School Dinners

I don’t think there is a person in the world with fond memories of school dinners. There is nothing that brings out such expletives when it comes to food. Try it. Just ask a friend about their experience of their school lunchtime fare and I guarantee they will screw their face up in disgust!

We all had regular school meals that stick in our minds (usually for all the wrong reasons), I know I do. Let’s start with my least favourite, whenever it was on the menu my heart would sink…spam fritters. Even to this day when I think about them I get a little sick in my mouth. The limp textured salty spam covered in a thick layer of truly awful batter and deep fried (maybe just soaked?) in oil until the grease level went of the charts. The after effects of spam fritters has haunted my entire life, I cannot eat prawn or pork balls from any Chinese restaurant because the oily taste gives me a flashback to that disgustingly battered cheap meat. There seemed to be an amazing array of stews which were called something different but were indistinguishable from each other. They were even served with the same mashed potato.

Remember that special school mash, the mash with the grey bits in it?

Perhaps those bits in the potato were there to disguise the chunks of gristle which abounded in the stew, I really couldn’t say. Every lunch came with desert. Traditionally deserts are a treat at the end of a meal. I don’t know how they managed to get this simple concept so wrong. Those of a certain age from the UK will I am sure remember the slice of iced cake surrounded by pink custard, the pink colour did not add anything to the flavour, in fact I think it took something away. The only desert I remember even remotely enjoying was bananas in custard (yes the desert makers were obsessed by custard!). I do still enjoy bananas in custard to this day. I was lucky (?) enough to be in the school system when lunches transformed from what was essentially gruel by the burger and chips revolution. We were all so excited and awaited the transformation of our lunchtime meals with anticipation. We were of course let down…we dreamed it would be like having McDonald’s in the school canteen. But it’s no surprise that it didn’t live up to our dreams, the greasy fries, dry burgers and super low quality fried “chicken” (what part of the chicken used was never entirely understood) were all just dreadful. Not only did the quality remain scraping its butt on the floor low, the food was all deep fried so would have contributed to the obesity which now plagues my generation. The only redeeming feature of my school lunches back then was from those lovely dinner ladies (now dinner person?) who served the lunches. I used to wonder how they managed to smile while putting up with us. Now I realise it’s because however badly we behaved they were getting their own back by serving us those dinners. So what was your school dinner experience? Did anyone out there ever have a good one?